unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
