how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
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Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
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Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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