I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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