I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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