That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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