I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
