yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
