oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
