Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
