i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
