it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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