Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
