Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
