Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
