O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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