My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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