i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize