There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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