Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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