im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize