she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
