I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
