We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
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Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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