i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
