someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
