are you still at the devil's house?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
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