if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
