i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
