what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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