My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
i need some magic done to my vagina
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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