I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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