I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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