Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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