Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
