drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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