There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
