My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
