Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My bed smells like the plague
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
