Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
