i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
