Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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