Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize