i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
