I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
