The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
