well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
