I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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