So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
