I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
