I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
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