i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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