too bad you live with your parents still
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
