I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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