Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
