This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
