whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
