She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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