this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
