sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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