did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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