Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
