How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
