I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
