Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
