I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
