the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Text me some of your sweat
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
