best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
