physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
