Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he fucked my hip out of place.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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