He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
