She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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