3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
