Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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