Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
