hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
as a side note pls kill me
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
