My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day â¤ï¸
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
