well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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